Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize