he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
