I hate all girls vehemently.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
