new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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