I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Even my vagina gasped.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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