The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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