that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
