She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
