just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think my moral compass just broke
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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