Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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