I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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