i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
