I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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