so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
