You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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