Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
