He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
