Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
