I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
