And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
