I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
