i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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