If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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