Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
