That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize