lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
