508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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