just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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