1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I looked at my own cervix.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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