I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
