Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
