I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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