she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
