a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
