yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
