well I can't set my house on fire every night
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
