i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
