The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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