Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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