I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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