I'm drive I can fine osifer
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
