Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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