The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
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