Tell her she can't have a vagina
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
