He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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