If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
