This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize