I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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