then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
