if you like me you must not know who I am
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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