On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
two words: eviction party
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
