i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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