Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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