a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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