I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
whose parrot is this?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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