I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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