i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
