Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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