i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
