She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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