well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
