this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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