Heybabeimwearingurpanties
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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