I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
