pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
