I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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