you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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