At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
