I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My bed smells like the plague
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
