Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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