if you like me you must not know who I am
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
