My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
