You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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