that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
