just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
