i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
