Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
